Dedicated to people growing older everywhere – but may all take these words to heart while there is time.
Though it feels like yesterday, over a year ago Eva and I were enjoying Sunday lunch at a nearby restaurant with an elderly friend, Len. A mutual acquaintance, who had recently turned 90, stopped at our table for a chat. He had been active in the community, and over the years we had gotten to know him and his wife. We asked how his wife was, and his reply has remained etched on my mind. He simply said: “She’s fading away.”
Recently, I unexpectedly discovered the lyrics of a 1987 song, co-written and sung by Roy Orbison, and entitled “Life Fades Away”. It has the same words in the title and refrain as used by our acquaintance in referring to his aging wife! Although the song is written to a loved one, it can have meaning for all of us.
Again, I reflected on the words, “life fades away”. How true this is, especially as we reach our senior years. We have less energy than before. Tasks take longer to accomplish and there’s never enough time!
“Life fades away.” These words are a poignant reminder of the passing of life whenever we’re together with Len. Trips to places further afield are now less and less possible for him – and the destinations themselves seem fading memories. Friends and acquaintances in the groups that Len was an active part of, have all gone their separate ways – many of them, too, now aging; or even deceased. Their names are becoming a passing memory. Recalling peoples’ birthdays and anniversaries are no longer as important as they once were.
For each of us, our days on earth will come to an end. No-one goes on living indefinitely in their physical bodies. Everyone who has been born (or will be born) will die. A few might live a long time, even past a hundred, but then they, too, will be gone. For others, life can end unexpectedly at a younger age – and suddenly it’s too late to do all those things that were planned and dreamt about.
Be assured that this theme of dying and death is not meant to be morbid or depressing! Rather, if we can accept its reality – and as much as possible be prepared for dying – then we can depart from this life with greater peace and contentment.
When the time comes, it is said that we should be ready to leave without clinging to this life such as to our money, home, work, hobbies, and loved ones. Otherwise, our final thoughts will not be peaceful, but worried, anxious, and fearful. This will only make the transition more difficult.
“Life fades away.” This aptly describes the dying process when there is a dissolution of our bodies. Signs of approaching death that commonly occur for everyone are: First, there is a loss of physical strength and agility; mentally, our perception becomes less clear. Secondly, we experience a sense of dryness and increasing thirst; the mind is more easily agitated and susceptible to confusion. Thirdly, we begin to feel cold; our perceptions of external phenomena alternate between being clear and unclear. Finally, we experience difficulty breathing; our thoughts become vivid and we may feel disoriented. These signs indicate the diminishing connection between the mind and physical body, as well as the mind and the external world. (Based on Mind Beyond Death by Dzogchen Ponlop.)
Some believe that at the end of their life’s journey they will simply become extinct – like the dead cockroach on the garage floor. With our mind and heart, we need to prove for ourselves whether this is indeed true or not.
Nowadays, with scientifically documented near-death and out-of-body experiences, as well as other after-death research, there is much to think about. There are accounts of people who have crossed the threshold of death and returned to tell about it.
Evidence exists that at death, our mind separates from the body. While the physical body dies, and over time disintegrates, the mind continues beyond death. Consciousness remains. In this sense, death is only a transition from one life to another – it’s like a veil, but not the end. Some people feel that when someone close to them dies, the person is still with them in a deep, undefined, and mysterious way.
Our memories will follow us beyond death. When a person goes from this life, the memory of them stays behind with those who knew them. We hear the words, “I’ll never forget you.” But interestingly, memories of those left behind go with the departing person as well!
When we meet the situation that will be the cause of our death, such as a terminal illness – and life begins to fade for us personally – it’s important to remain as calm as possible, and to maintain a peaceful and positive state of mind because it is said that our final thoughts exert a powerful influence on our after-death journey.
May we live ready for that final moment – for taking our last breath – and to die at peace, having reconciled with all of life. And in the meantime, may we each do our best to help others and engage in positive deeds.
“Death does not wait to see what has been done or is still to be done” (Shantideva).
“No matter how much you’ve been warned, Death always comes without knocking. Why now? Is the cry. Why so soon? It’s the cry of a child being called home at dusk.” (Margaret Atwood)
Alexander Peck (with invaluable editorial help from Eva Peck)
June 2020
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For those interested, a fine rendition of the song “Life Fades Away” by Roy Orbison is at https://youtu.be/HWjB1X-cqsM. The words appear as subtitles and are easy to follow:
My time has come, the clouds are calling
December wind has come my way
And now I feel the will falling
All at once it’s too late, life fades away
The night is my wake
All thoughts slip away
And even though I must leave you
Remember I love you
I’ll always be in your memory
And I will always be with you when I’m gone
Fade, life fades away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Life fades away
I’m tired of tomorrow
Lost for today
I long to be at peace forever
My eternity
And even though I will miss you
I must leave you
Fade, life fades away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Life fades away
So please forgive me
And try not to cry
I long to be at peace forever more
Forever more
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Life fades away
Life fades away
Life fades away, away
One last thing to say
Life fades away
