{"id":581,"date":"2019-12-16T18:44:34","date_gmt":"2019-12-16T08:44:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dying-and-death-reflections.com\/?page_id=581"},"modified":"2019-12-17T14:58:14","modified_gmt":"2019-12-17T04:58:14","slug":"helping-ourselves-and-others","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/dying-and-death-reflections.com\/index.php\/helping-ourselves-and-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Ourselves and Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Our attitudes shape our experiences. Some people avoid thinking about difficulties such as illness, aging, and death. But these are bound to happen, and accepting and preparing for them in advance enables our mind to be calmer when they occur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As creatures of habit, we tend to die in the way we live. If\nwe are not in the habit of acting kindly during our life, it will be unlikely\nthat we will think to hold virtuous thoughts in mind or engage in virtuous\nactions as we are approaching death. For that reason, leading a good life by\nnot harming others and helping them as much as possible is the best preparation\nfor our death and future lives and enables us to die without regrets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our daily life, and especially as we approach death, we\nshould forgive people who have harmed us, engage in purification practice [or\nforgiveness], recollect the Buddha [or Jesus], and meditate on love,\ncompassion, and wisdom. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best way to help friends and family prepare for death is\nto encourage them while they are alive to abandon non-virtue \u2026 Encourage them\nto be generous and kind to others and to forgive others and not hold grudges.\nAvoid involving them in divisive speech, harsh speech, or idle talk. In this\nway, they will create merit and will have no regrets when they die. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best procedure to follow at the time of death depends on\nthe person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In general, as someone approaches death, avoid disturbing their\nmind with unnecessary emotional outpourings, spiritual ideas that will confuse them,\nor idle talk. Help them to recall something virtuous\u2014the Three Jewels [or, the\nGodhead, the Holy Scriptures, and the Church], compassion, generosity, and so\non\u2014with which they are already familiar. Encourage them to rejoice in their own\nand others\u2019 virtues. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If they have no religion, gently speak to them about forgiveness,\nlove, compassion, and hope\u2014qualities that everyone appreciates and that will\nmake their mind virtuous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter what religion a dying person follows, encourage them\nto do the practices with which they are familiar. Encourage a Christian to\nforgive others, develop a kind heart, pray to God, and think of Jesus\u2019s\nbenevolent qualities. Speak to a Jew, Hindu, or Muslim according to the beliefs\nand concepts of their religion. These are more familiar and comforting to the\ndying person, and will facilitate their leaving this life peacefully. Never try\nto convert another person on their deathbed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buddhists, for example, can do a variety of practices,\ndepending on their level of practice. Remind a dying Dharma friend of a\npractice they have trained in and guide them through it if they wish. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it is our turn to die, we should likewise focus on a\nfamiliar practice. Since our mental power and alertness decrease at the time of\ndeath, forcing ourselves or others to do a new practice at that time will be\nconfusing. \u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, we must do what is suitable to our level of mind and to the circumstances we are in. Whatever we do, we should be content and focus on that practice as best as we can without having doubts that perhaps we should be doing another, more effective practice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Source: Adapted from The Foundation of Buddhist Practice: The Library of Wisdom and Compassion<\/em> (Volume 2) by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Thubten Chodron (Wisdom Publications) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a PDF copy of the above text, please click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Contemplating

Reflection: “The vital point to remember is just to be there for the other person without being anxious about whether or not one is doing the right thing. Often just the presence of someone who cares, and who isn\u2019t in a hurry to rush away, can somehow restore faith in oneself, faith that one is somehow connected with others at a deep level. That can be a tremendous help.”
(Lama Shenpen Hookham)
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